Realizations at Age 33

Hangovers take more than one day to get over.

Dip is my favorite food group (ex. spinach dip, 7 layer dip, buffalo chicken dip, etc.).

Ice Cream is my second favorite food group.

I’m not sure I ever want to live with a boy.

Casual sex doesn't mean you’re slutty.

Having a clean house makes me happy.

Thanksgiving dinner should happen more than once a year.

I like puppies better than babies.

I hate New Jersey and everything from it.

Small penises scare me.

I don’t think most Adam Sandler movies are funny.

All of my doctors are Jewish.

I have no desire to go SCUBA diving, jump out of a plane, or go to outer space.

A king size bed is necessary.

I hate homework...still.

If teachers would put lessons in the form of a song, I could remember EVERYTHING.

I can no longer drink coffee at night.

I wish I had a bedtime and naps were mandatory.

Crying men make me uncomfortable.

I still find milk completely repulsive.

Katy Perry’s “music” is terrible and anything by Owl City causes me physical pain.

Religion is ridiculous.

I love doing jigsaw puzzles.

I’ll never understand Ebonics...yo.

Vegetarians are annoying.

Vegans are worse.

I love driving fast cars.

I’m not sure I’ll ever be good at public speaking.

My gut feeling is always right.

This might be the funniest thing I've ever seen...

1 + 1 = A Big Fat Pain in the Ass!

There’s no question that relationships take work.  However, the current divorce statistics would suggest that most couples decide it’s not worth the effort after they pop out a couple of kids, the newness wares off, and reality sets in.  I’m not sure I blame them, but then why go through the hassle of getting married?  You’re certainly not doing me any favors.

I think it’s kind of unfair that I go to your weddings, buy you gifts.  Go to your baby showers, buy you gifts.  Spend a small fortune celebrating your life events, and then you have the balls to get divorced?!?!  There should be some kind of money back guarantee for these things! 

Quite frankly, I think it should be the other way around.  You buy me gifts for NOT getting married, for managing NOT to get knocked up and imposing my spawn on society, and being able to take care of myself without requiring any kind of government assistance.  But hey, what do I know?      

I was raised to believe that marriage is a forever kind of deal.  I had great examples to follow while I was growing up, and I've seen that it can actually be done.  However, I don’t think it’s for everyone. 

The thought of legally binding myself to ONE person “until death do us part”…the idea of only sleeping with the same person for the rest of my life…no wonder so many marriages end in murder.  These are scary concepts! 

Hell, when I found out that my accidental pet kitties could live to be 20 years old, I totally freaked out!  Somehow I had no idea that cats lived that long, and I briefly considered taking them to the humane society.  And let it be known that I like animals way better than people.  At the time (six years ago), 20 years seemed like a pretty big commitment that I didn't know if I was ready for. 

Don’t worry, I kept the cats and learned to love their furry, expensive, at times a bit stinky, little… faces.  I imagine arranged marriages kind of work the same way?

I just can’t help but wonder if we’re fighting human nature by committing our lives to only ONE other individual.   

I’m not suggesting that everyone go out and have affairs (although there are websites that specialize in that very concept), or that an “alternative” lifestyle is the answer either.  Nevertheless, asking someone to be completely faithful to one person for the rest of their lives is a pretty huge expectation.  In reality, I honestly don’t know too many people that are very good at it anyway.  As a society, do we have unrealistic expectations of love?        

I Think it’s Time you Knew…Your Daughter Dresses Like a Slut

It’s bad enough that some of the most recent fashion trends are at best icky, and I’m not just talking about skinny jeans.  Anybody that knows me knows how I feel about them, and for the most part I can’t support their use.  The only exception made is if skinny jeans are worn with boots.

Skinny jeans are the fashion industry’s idea of a joke, and everyone fell for it.  I’m not sure why nobody figured it out, but they’re not flattering on most people.  Yes, I realize this is MY opinion, and obviously most people don’t agree…because manufactures keep making them.  Hence, this must mean people keep buying them, Economics 101.   

Don’t even get me started on how stupid guys look wearing skinny jeans.  No one wants to see that shit.

 

Not to worry though, I’m not here to single anyone out.  I’m an equal opportunity offender.  I've also had enough neon color everything, pastel and/or floral patterned skinny jeans, harem pants, mullet skirts/dresses, crop tops, and UGG boots with shorts.  Just because celebrities wear them doesn't make it right!  They get paid to look stupid, you don’t.

Now that I've gotten that off my chest, I’d like to discuss my distaste for teenage girls dressing like hookers.   Don’t get me wrong, the boys look stupid too, but at least their shit isn't hanging out everywhere.  Ewe.

I’m all for using clothing as a means of self expression, especially when you’re a teenager.  I mean how else can you really express yourself at that age right?  I get it, I was a teenager once. 

Let’s face it; life is pretty boring until you hit that magic # 21 (or 19 if you live in a state that borders Canada).  If you’re lucky, by 16 you have your driver’s license, but you probably still have to ask to use your parent’s car.  You probably still have a curfew.  You’re not old enough to drink…legally.  Ugh.

 

But ladies, do you really need to wear shorts that are so short and tight that your lady parts can’t breathe?  Not only is it not flattering, but it’s not healthy either.  And unless you’re over the age of 18 and built like a supermodel (which most of you aren't), enough with the crop tops too. 

   

When I was in high school, or actually until I moved out, my parents would NEVER let me leave the house wearing stuff like that.  If I wanted to look like a hooker I had to be sneaky about it!

Mom and dad, do you know what your daughter looks like when she leaves the house?  Are you actually buying these clothes for her?  Granted, kids are going to do what kids are going to do, but you don’t have to make it easy for them.

On that note, I’m sure I've pissed off more than a couple people, however, this is my blog not yours.  If I've offended you…read something else:)