Over the course of the last couple of years I've really been
struggling with this theory of a biological clock. I call it a theory because I don’t seem to
have one. I keep expecting to wake up
one day and hear it ticking. So far….nada.
In all honesty, I can’t stand most kids. My favorite is when they cry on planes or in
a restaurant. However, everyone assures
me that I’ll love my own - I think I’d like that in writing please.
While all of my friends seem to be on a mission these days
to pop out a couple of screaming, vomiting, needy bundles of joy, I can’t help
but wonder if motherhood is something I’m destined for?
Most of the time I’m not even sure I can take care of myself
let alone another person. Is there
anything at Taco Bell babies can eat? I
already don’t have time to cook, clean, or do laundry, and I can’t even tell
you the last time I went grocery shopping.
The thought of breast feeding has always grossed me
out. The thought of using a breast pump doesn't sound much more appealing. There’s
nothing even remotely sexy about being hooked up to a machine like a cow.
I recently learned from an episode of Grey’s Anatomy that
you poop on the table during child birth…ha ha this just keeps getting better.
Episiotomy…nuf said.
I like the idea of having someone that’s obligated to take
care of me when I can no longer feed myself or start forgetting my own name,
but let’s face it; sometimes kids can be ass holes. As I've already assured my parents, “Nick (my
brother) will be rich and will put you in a good home when you get too old.”
In all fairness, my brother and I did give my parents an option.
We told them it would be a lot cheaper to send them off on an iceberg
like the Eskimos. I don’t think they
liked our idea. (Shhhh, we haven’t told
them that’s still plan B).
In any event, as my 33rd birthday closes in, the
reality of the situation becomes clearer…time is running out and I’m not
getting any younger. Pretty soon I’mgoing to have to decide if this baby thing is for me or not.
The way I see it, I’m already a few steps ahead of those
idiots on 16 & Pregnant or Teen Mom. How bad could I really screw it up?
Move to California, have a baby, we will raise it as a community! ;)
ReplyDeleteIf you are pondering the question of whether or not to bring kids into the world, you are *light years* ahead of the mothers on Teen Mom.
ReplyDelete